"So long"

I've been MIA for a while... a long while.

Every time I've started a post it has ended up being pretty depressing. Not that I think there's anything wrong with remembering the hard and sad, but when you're going through something tough, it doesn't really help to look back and read all that tough while you're still in it. So I prefer to write about it after I've seen a light, while I'm coming out of it, or have already overcome.

I've been wondering what I'll do for my next post, and after this morning I just started writing this, and well, I guess this is it.

--------------------------

A little story from this morning.

You just can't make this stuff up. Sometimes all you can do (after you *might* lose it for a minute) is sit back and laugh, and thank God for your little ones. And be so thankful that walking in the Spirit is what gets you through. So glad I don't have to do this on my own.

I closed myself in the littles' room to nurse and rock Scarlett for the last time. It's been 21 hours since our last nursing session, and after having a low grade fever and chills for a few days and it reaching 103 in the night, I went to urgent care and got a shot and an antibiotic. She's been in the process of weaning all on her own, so this kinda just sped up my decision to wean now.

Sophia comes running in with a pot that I had heard Silas banging on because she knew this last nursing session was important to me.

Back to peace and quiet. Back to my tears. Back to rubbing my Scarlett's warm, fuzzy little head. Praying blessings over my sweet girl and our new relationship, and asking God to gives us something just as special.

Sophia comes running back in telling me she threw up the bite of cereal she ate along with all the water she drank because it was "SO GROSS!" Mind you, this is "kid cereal" Sophia always begs me to get but I never do. Then comes in Silas, making very dramatic throw up noises. So convincing that I think he actually might throw up, too.

So I run in to see a giant puddle of water with a tiny bit of cereal mixed in. I tell them to occupy Scarlett on the rug so I can clean it.

Sophia steps over and Silas... Silas charges right through it, slipping, feet flying into the air, landing flat on his back, and is covered in stinky water and specks of cereal.

Into the bath he goes. Being cleaned up for the second time today. The first time being after he handed us his pull up and a very impressive poop this morning. (Wait, what! It's still morning. It's only 10:40...).

As I washed him up I noticed he's feverish. Poor guy.

Cleaned up the throw up puddle (after already cleaning trails of poop on carpet earlier ;) ) and now mommy is taking a "time out."

----------------------------

A few thoughts I've had several times throughout the recent days regarding my weaning Scarlett.

I've been pregnant and/or nursing for the past 5+ years. I can't believe it's coming to an end...

Hallelujah! The end is near!!!!!!!

But she's my baby.....

Last baby...

I can't believe Scarlett has been self weaning... So weird.

I get wrapped up in thinking my identity is a pregnant and nursing mom. 

Who am I now?

Hello, New Season of Life! Welcome! 

Hello, Sports Bras Without the Anxiety of a Clogged Milk Duct.

Hello, Uninterrupted Date Night!

What is my body going to feel like?

Will I feel a little less deprived?

I'm SO ready for this!!!!!

I'm so NOT ready for this!!!! 

I better not be pregnant..... I dry up with pregnancy.

(I'm not pregnant.)

All these pregnancies and nursing relationships were SO different from each other. It's crazy. I could have never guessed. 

WE'RE WEANING!!!!!!

We're really weaning.....

I almost don't believe it to be true. 

It can't be true.

It's true.

Sad.

So sad.

I cry a lot.

Happy.

So happy and excited. 

I cry a lot.

But this is good and I'm ready for this next season of life. 

Of course, if the Lord decides to bless us with another baby Byrd, we'll be thrilled. But we're both hearing that now is a time to focus on Aaron graduating and his future career, and continued healing over my body from my pregnancy with Scarlett. So as of right now, we're pretty sure this season is closed for a while. 

This last nursing session wasn't anything like I thought it'd be. Then again, with kids, is anything ever anything I thought it would be?? I didn't get to snuggle on the rocking chair with a blanket, Scripture Lullabies playing in the background, Scarlett nodding off to sleep in a milk drunk state, and my other two children playing peacefully in the other room (who am I kidding?). Instead, Scarlett let me know that my milk was low and she wanted to play instead, I was coughing causing Scar to unlatch and look up at me each time, I heard banging of pots and pans, loud over the top laughs and shouts and throw up noises, and was cut short by clean-ups.

Here is Scarlett being silly before bedtime last night on mom and dad's bed. First night without nursing at all and she slept her normal 12 hours.

I did manage to snap a picture today though, and I'll remember that 10 minutes for the rest of my life.

Lord, your design for life is so beautiful. So miraculous! Thank you for all these sweet moments with my babies. They are forever treasured in my heart.