The days were long and the nights even longer. During the days his oxygen would hover in the low 90's with an oxygen mask, then eventually without the mask, but during the nights, my precious little bub would struggle with his oxygen in the 70's. They have a rule that if you need oxygen at any time, you cannot be discharged until you've gone 24 hours without it. Each night we'd hope and pray he was well enough without it, but he needed it for three nights and at some points during the day.
It was really hard for me to listen to Silas beg through tears for a breathing treatment, or watch him get an IV, or freak out over an oxygen mask being put on him, or just in general be so out of sorts because of lack of sleep, strong medicines, and breathing treatments that made his heart rate go up. But we had the most amazing nurses and doctor and the most amazing family that got us through the week.
As much as I love my little guy, I'm not so much writing this post just to document his hospital stay, but rather write out to process what has been going on in my head and heart. I seem to come back to the ol' blog when I need to process. Most of the time I start a post, write then delete, write a little more then delete a little more, and once I've processed for however long I need to, I stop mid post and never come back to finish or publish it to the blog. It just sits there as a half written draft. Heh.
Anyway, by the end of the week I realized I have been doing too much, life was too hurried, and I had been too stressed. A week long hospital stay, a stay with basically zero sleep for me, should be much more stressful for someone. My skin and hair looked the best it's looked all semester, I never had a headache and had been getting them most days, and I never felt rage or irritated and I wasn't even sweaty! Ha!
Sure, I was away from my messy house. I wasn't washing a sink full of dishes from a meal the kids didn't like. I wasn't listening to siblings bickering or fighting and frustrated because I "didn't have time" to deal with it. I wasn't hurrying us all into the messy van to make it to co-op that no one wanted to go to. I wasn't fighting a certain child about a certain school thing that had to be done by a certain time so we could be where we "needed" to be on time. I wasn't stressing over all the ways I had been falling short.
As much as I love my little guy, I'm not so much writing this post just to document his hospital stay, but rather write out to process what has been going on in my head and heart. I seem to come back to the ol' blog when I need to process. Most of the time I start a post, write then delete, write a little more then delete a little more, and once I've processed for however long I need to, I stop mid post and never come back to finish or publish it to the blog. It just sits there as a half written draft. Heh.
Anyway, by the end of the week I realized I have been doing too much, life was too hurried, and I had been too stressed. A week long hospital stay, a stay with basically zero sleep for me, should be much more stressful for someone. My skin and hair looked the best it's looked all semester, I never had a headache and had been getting them most days, and I never felt rage or irritated and I wasn't even sweaty! Ha!
Sure, I was away from my messy house. I wasn't washing a sink full of dishes from a meal the kids didn't like. I wasn't listening to siblings bickering or fighting and frustrated because I "didn't have time" to deal with it. I wasn't hurrying us all into the messy van to make it to co-op that no one wanted to go to. I wasn't fighting a certain child about a certain school thing that had to be done by a certain time so we could be where we "needed" to be on time. I wasn't stressing over all the ways I had been falling short.
Now, I'm not saying it was a vacation (and actually we were supposed to be in Dallas with Aaron that week. He had a work trip we were going to tag along on and go to the Perot Museum of Nature & Science. Paid for hotel and gas... *cue tears*). I'm not saying I didn't worry or stress over my precious little guy. I'm not saying I'm glad I got that "break" from life. But what I am saying is that. holy cow, I needed it. I needed to be slapped with the realization that I can't keep up the pace I was going. My kids can't. My house can't. Our schooling can't. I can't. And I'm thankful I felt it.
So now I figure out what to cut out, what to limit, and what to keep. I want to say yes to all things and people, but when I say "yes" to them I'm saying "no" to other needs.
Almost my entire week was devoted to keeping Silas calm and understanding how difficult it was for him to be in the hospital. That poor guy, he really struggled with it all. I dug deep to keep Silas from getting upset because crying led to more wheezing, coughing, and shortness of breath. And you know what? It worked. Every time. He would get upset, but it wouldn't last long. I know these things. I know validating the kids' feelings helps the situation, remaining calm helps them clam, giving my undivided attention is what they need. I' know these things and I try to do them, but somehow these master tools got tossed to the side for time's sake. It was the weirdest thing, like I was watching myself come back to my old self. The mama who deeply cared about her little one's feelings and tended to them ever so gently. I was watching myself take the time to guide Silas through something difficult. I was so understanding and I knew he felt it because it was genuine. I hate that I've stepped away from that. My hurried life has caused me to not have time for the most important little people around me. I don't want to be that kind of mom anymore (or person, for that matter). I long to have time, so much time, for all their struggles. I want to have time to listen and understand them. I want to be a safe haven for them to come to regardless of the situation.I need to give them time to be 4, 5, and 8. Time to work through the day to day life of a kiddo their own age. I need to give us time to learn new habits and follow through. I need to allow for more time... So that's what I'm going to do.
Silas and I really enjoyed each other. We colored, watched shows, played games, played foosball, walked around, examined the fish tank, and he spent a lot of time cracking jokes and pulling out funny faces. What a precious boy!
Almost my entire week was devoted to keeping Silas calm and understanding how difficult it was for him to be in the hospital. That poor guy, he really struggled with it all. I dug deep to keep Silas from getting upset because crying led to more wheezing, coughing, and shortness of breath. And you know what? It worked. Every time. He would get upset, but it wouldn't last long. I know these things. I know validating the kids' feelings helps the situation, remaining calm helps them clam, giving my undivided attention is what they need. I' know these things and I try to do them, but somehow these master tools got tossed to the side for time's sake. It was the weirdest thing, like I was watching myself come back to my old self. The mama who deeply cared about her little one's feelings and tended to them ever so gently. I was watching myself take the time to guide Silas through something difficult. I was so understanding and I knew he felt it because it was genuine. I hate that I've stepped away from that. My hurried life has caused me to not have time for the most important little people around me. I don't want to be that kind of mom anymore (or person, for that matter). I long to have time, so much time, for all their struggles. I want to have time to listen and understand them. I want to be a safe haven for them to come to regardless of the situation.I need to give them time to be 4, 5, and 8. Time to work through the day to day life of a kiddo their own age. I need to give us time to learn new habits and follow through. I need to allow for more time... So that's what I'm going to do.
Silas and I really enjoyed each other. We colored, watched shows, played games, played foosball, walked around, examined the fish tank, and he spent a lot of time cracking jokes and pulling out funny faces. What a precious boy!
Silas’ sweet nurse changed his door sign
Last week was long, but I'm so thankful to be where we are. I've been shown the importance and the gift that time is. I also learned a great deal more about asthma while talking to all the respiratory therapists last week and I feel much more prepared for the next asthma flare up.
Silas is doing so much better. He's gone two nights without needed a breathing treatment and didn't need one at all yesterday. I'd say he's over the flare.
Scarlett also had some wheezing and coughing that landed her a trip to the doctor on one of the days Aaron was out of town. My mom came and sat with Silas at the hospital while I took her. She responded very well to her breathing treatments and they did put her on steroid too, since whatever virus it was ended up being so hard on Silas. Flu and RSV tests were all negative for them both, so who knows! I’m just glad she’s over it and now Silas is, too.
I'm so thankful for all of our family who stepped in to help in many ways and were constantly checking in on us. We are blessed to be apart of a huge, loving family. Thankful for our village.
