Trying to think of how I want to start this post...
Exactly three years ago(three years ago yesterday!), my dad and I had taken a trip to Dallas to talk with admissions, tour the Art Institute of Dallas and check out an apartment complex near the school.
I started sewing when I was sixteen and developed a strong passion for it in 2010. That year I had made and sold countless bags and purses, along with exploring clothing and a few other little projects. I would spend hours and hours at my desk listening to weird music, sewing my little heart out. I was certain designing/sewing was my calling, decided to go for it, and start school in the June quarter.
Aaron and I had also dated that year, but as right as we felt for each other, something wasn't "right" in our relationship, and we broke up around the time I went to visit the Art Institute. Now realizing what wasn't right was the fact that we hadn't put God at the center of our relationship. Heck, we didn't even put God anywhere in our relationship!
I had also started working at Starbucks right before the holidays and made some new friends, one of those being Samuel Vasquez.
I won't go into details, but when you're lukewarm and just ready to get away from your life to start a new one, you don't care what you do.
At the end of January, Sammy and I found out I was pregnant with Sophia.
I'm amazed at how far we've all come since the pregnant-with-Sophia days.
Sammy was just asking for my honest opinion about him moving away from San Angelo and how I thought it'd affect his and Sophia's relationship. To my surprise, I answered without hesitation, only looking out of the best interest of both he and Sophia. He should stay. He wouldn't want to miss out on any part of her life if he could help it. And if he's not 100% on board with the idea of moving, he should stop entertaining it. At least for the time being. I told him some other stuff too, but that's the gist of it.
Looking back to before she was born and right after, I wanted nothing more than a do-over and couldn't stand the thought of Sammy being in our lives. In Sophia's life. (Sorry, Sammy! Don't feel that way any more!) I so easily could have told Sammy "Sure! You should move! It'll be fine!" But I feel like God's given me a tender heart for their relationship, and for that I am thankful. I am so thankful he's given me (and Aaron) understanding for Sammy's side of everything. Thankful that Sophia will always be able to be close to him.
Aaron and Sammy have been great from the beginning. My dad also played a huge part in helping with all of the drama. I on the other hand, took some work! I remember getting hot, sweaty, frustrated, crying, and getting monster headaches for days leading up to Sammy's visits with Sophie. But God is so good! And he has been softening my heart since she was born.
It's so hard when you're in a tough situation... So hard. I can't tell you how many tears I've cried over everything.
For the first year I just wanted to know why God would let something like this happen if Aaron and I were so close to getting it together.
-Why would he let me "ruin" my life and someone else's life when I wasn't going to marry them?
-Why couldn't I just have gone off to the Art Institute?
-Why do I have to feel this guilt, shame, and sadness every time I look at Sophia?
-How do I share my daughter with another family? What if there is a custody battle?!
-When will I ever really be "healed?" How do I get that?
And now, with happy tears in my eyes, I am able to answer all of those questions.
-Sophia brought Aaron and I back together and taught us to lean on God, and build our relationship with Him being first.
-Sammy, Aaron and I can all agree that Sophia is the best thing that has ever happened to all of us.
-My calling was not to design or sew, but to fully embrace motherhood and wifehood. To raise up my children to be mighty men and women of God.
-The guilt, shame, and sadness came from the enemy. This is my testimony! The enemy will not steal my joy.
-Sophia is SO loved. Many grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles! And Sammy has a great family. Never would I have thought that I'd be OK with Sophia staying over night or visiting Sammy's family in Kerrville... But after meeting his parents, I felt an immediate peace about it all. With both Aaron's and my parents divorced, I see it as such a blessing that Sophia gets to know Sammy's parents and how they've honored their vows despite their trials. Sammy is a thoughtful, fun, loving daddy and only wants the best for Sophie. We've never done anything "official" in terms of custody or child support, and I feel like that was probably the best decision we could have made. There is no pressure for anyone. We all just love Soph, and want the best for her, so we've done our best with each other. And it has paid off!
-Yes, my heart is completely healed. It took time. And prayer. And faith. And it happened, praise God!
I feel like Aaron and I work well with Sammy. We interact well. Actually, no it's not just interacting, we're friends! Ha. Who would have thought!?!
Sammy is very involved in Sophia's life.
He has different desires and dreams for Sophia than we do and I'm starting to realize how awesome that is. Her life will be filled with opportunity, support, and love!
I just feel like we're all in a really great place, and I give all the glory to God.
Here are some pictures from the Vasquez side of Sophia's family.
Sophia's Uncle Gabriel, Grandpa, Grandma, and Daddy Sammy. (Missing Uncle Rick and Uncle Keaton)
I talk with Sammy's mom occasionally and can easily tell that she is absolutely in love with Sophia. So sweet. Grandma and Grandpa often send cards and little gifts, and Sophia has had many weekend visits with daddy Sammy to Kerrville already. I always love getting to hear all the stories and see pictures from her time there. :)
Sophia always enjoys her time with her daddy!
Growing up, I was a daddy's girl. After all, "I am precious to my daddy." Right, dad? :)
Sophia is just twice as lucky!
She has two daddies to wrap around her fingers. ;)
Here is a picture of the official "baby bump." I snapped it to send to Aaron the other morning after waking up realizing I'm not bloated, and it's not a food baby. ;) There really is a little babe in there. Still hard to believe! I feel like I've looked like this for a few weeks now, but it's gone down and come back until about a week ago, and is now here to stay!
