Home with Scarlett

My mom brought Sophia and Silas home about 15 minutes after Aaron and I got home with Scarlett.

Sophia ran through the door with excitement and Silas was just happy to see mom and dad. He was kind of shy and quiet about Scarlett. He was curious and really liked her until she started crying. The second he heard and saw her cry, he started crying. It was so sad and so adorable.

Nikki came over shortly after my mom and the kids. We were very grateful that she was able to stay a few hours and help with the kids while we got settled in.

I loved watching Sophia and Silas meet Scarlett.

Definitely one of my most favorite memories. 

And yes, Sophia wore lipstick for the special occasion- meeting baby sister. I love that girl. :)

Scarlett's Birth - Part 2

I now know that it was God's provision for me to get that epidural because I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through the next few hours without it.

The on call doctor came in about ten minutes after Scarlett was born. He was a little irritated that the bed hadn't been broken down and that we didn't wait for him to have our baby. I mean... WE waited, but my body didn't! Scarlett came whether we were ready or not.

When my placenta came out, it came out in pieces. I was hemorrhaging and he spent the next 1.5-2 hours trying to find the rest of the pieces inside me and stop the bleeding. The nurses were pressing hard on my stomach while he searched for the placenta. My epidural was at the max amount of medicine it could give, I had several shots for pain and to stop the bleeding, and some pills inserted inside to stop the bleeding. Those two hours were a complete blurr of extreme pain, nausea, and the most throwing up I've ever done in my life. Combined.

It was very traumatic. The combination of all the medicines killed my stomach. I had to be laying back so the doctor could pack me and stop the bleeding. I was pretty much throwing up for thirty minutes straight. I was throwing up so much it was hard to even get a breath. I remember the doctor talking about a hysterectomy... It was all scary... so scary.

I don't remember much... Just feeling faint, fainting, throwing up, medicine, major abdominal pain, and the insane amount of pressure from the doctor trying to find the placenta pieces and stopping the bleeding.

Aaron stayed by my side the whole time and mom and Nikki stayed with Scarlett. The nurses had Nikki give her some sugar water since I wasn't able to nurse her.

Around 4:30 AM things started to calm down. I remember waking up and telling Nikki goodbye and fell right back to sleep. Then my mom came over to me and said goodbye. While she was talking to me I remember feeling hot and my hands itched. Then I heard my mom tell the nurses I was breaking out in a rash. Turns out it was a side effect of one of the medicines. So more medicine in me for that!

Aaron kept baby Scarlett next to him by the couch while I slept another hour. I woke up at 6:00 AM needing to use the bathroom. One of the medicines gave me an upset stomach and another gave me a low grade fever. Then I nurses Scarlett for the first time.

When I woke up my right leg felt like it was still numb from the epidural. I remember thinking that was weird since the other leg was already back to normal.

When I lowered it on the side of the bed, I couldn't bend it. And the fire was back. But worse. 100x times worse. I was expecting immediate relief from my varicose veins after delivering. The weight of a baby was off the veins. It was supposed to feel better. But it didn't. It was so bad that I couldn't put any pressure on my leg.

I said goodbye to my nurses that morning and thanked them over and over. They were so caring and attentive through it all. Maybe it was my hormones, but the nurse who took their place wasn't very considerate. I kept wanting to scream at her "you have NO idea what I've just been through!!!!!" Needless to say, I was very glad when she wheeled me out of Labor & Delivery and upstairs to our new room.

As we were leaving our room I started bawling.
It was all so much.
This pregnancy was so much.
The retained placenta was so much.
My leg was so much.
And I was finally leaving that room.

The next two days were ... weird. It was really hard for me to bond with Scarlett. It felt weird. All I could focus on was the burning in my leg and the fact that I couldn't bend it at my knee.

The on-call OB came to check on me that morning and called the vascular surgeon I had been seeing to come check out my leg. Every spot that had a varicose vein was now bright red, swollen, majorly inflamed, and was so sensitive to touch that even the sheets had me shrieking in pain. We found out that I had Superficial Thrombophlebitis, which is inflammation of a vein located just below the skins surface. The inflammation is cause by blood clots. So yes, all varicose veins that I had had clotted. The cluster in my right groin also clotted over into my left groin.

Everything was hard.
Everything hurt.
Everything was incredibly tender and sensitive.
Everything burned.

It was (and is) all superficial. (It's been superficial the whole pregnancy.) Meaning there is no serious risk of having a clot in my deep vein (DVT) or that clot traveling to my lungs or anywhere else (pulmonary embolism). That doesn't mean that it can't happen, but it is very unlikely that it will.

My doctor (the vascular surgeon) said Superficial Thrombophlebitis is surprisingly painful and it would get worse before it got better. He was right. The next few days were almost unbearable.

The whole hospital stay was a blurr.

Lots of medicine.
Lots of crying.
Lots of hurting.

Scarlett did OK with nursing. She didn't seem to pick it up quite as fast as the other two kids, but she got it well enough. Aaron stayed with me the whole time and Sophia and Silas had a great time staying with my mom.

Scarlett was so precious.

All I could do was look at her and cry. I couldn't believe she was really here.

She cried a lot more at the hospital than I remember Sophia and Silas crying. I thought she was going to be my loud baby, but it turns out she is actually very quiet.

She was a little jaundiced but not enough to be put under the lights.

Despite the blurr of our hospitals stay and the whole vein issues, the room was peaceful. It was a nice few days for me, Aaron, and Scarlett to be together.

On our way home to meet brother and sister!

Scarlett's Birth - Part 1

July 22nd was a Wednesday. I was 38 weeks and 2 days along.

I remember being at Sophia's swimming lesson that morning a little concerned because I was having a hard time feeling any movement from Scarlett. A few hours after not feeling movement, I went in to be monitored, I was having regular contractions but they just felt like braxton hicks and I didn't think anything of it. I stayed for an hour and a half. The first 45 minutes there wasn't any movement so they gave me a cold Coke to drink and used a little tool to vibrate different areas of belly to wake her up. And it worked! She woke up and we were good to go. We left instructed to come right in if I couldn't feel her again.

That afternoon I was determined to dance my way into labor! We had been praying for months that baby girl would come at 38 weeks and I believed she would. And I was ready! The kids and I often turn up music, dance, and be silly. Thinking back on that afternoon, I have no regrets. I just enjoyed my kids. What a fun afternoon with a very pregnant mama. I don't remember what we made for dinner, but the kids "helped" in the kitchen, we ate, then got in the bath.

I remember leaning over the bathtub washing Silas when my contractions got really hard. I thought I did too much dancing.

After we got jammies on and brushed teeth I got in the rocking chair to rock Silas to sleep, but my contractions were even harder and In couldn't sit and rock through them. So I decided to time them.

Two minutes apart!

I didn't realize they were so close!! So I called Aaron because he was still at work but he wouldn't answer. I also tried calling the front desk to get him and they couldn't leave the front desk because they were the only one up there. So I said "I'm in labor! Get my husband!" He had been in the pool teaching a lesson.

Then I text both of my parents that somebody better get over here now! Haha. With Silas' labor and delivery being two hours total, I was thinking this time would be even faster. And I was home alone with two small children!

Mom, Dad, and Aaron all pulled up within a few minutes of each other. Phew!

Aaron and I headed to the hospital, and mom and Nikki met us there. Dad and Micah-Ray spent the night at our house with the kids.

It was about 8:00pm when we got into our room at Labor & Delivery. My water started trickling as I was changing into my gown. Great timing! The nurse checked me and I was dilated to 5cm so we moved to our delivery room.

This was the real deal! Meeting our baby girl soon!

Y'all. God is so good. These were the same nurses we had the night Silas was born. They cheered us on while we had the natural birth we were hoping for with Silas. They remembered all of us and even Silas' name. We were so excited to have them again with Scarlett. I've seen a lot of nurses and doctors over the last five years and these ladies are by far two of the best. Such caring and gentle women. God knew what he was doing we he put them on shift the night I went into labor with Scarlett. It was a rough night and I am so thankful to have had Theresa and Chelsea as my nurses!

Aaron and I were both anticipating him sitting behind me on the bed again like we did with Silas, but this time was different. I had zero back labor. Therefore, I needed zero counter pressure. It was all in front right on my belly. So Aaron calmly sat next to me whispering encouragement and praying over me and Scarlett. 

Aaron and I both went into the labor confident in my body and in another natural birth. I had some fear about my veins during labor and delivery, and fear of knowing what was coming (delivering), but for the most part I was calm and ready to have my baby.

The contractions were much, much, MUCH stronger than they were with Silas. I was blown away at the difference. I'm sure it had something to do with my water breaking halfway through labor instead of breaking right before delivering.

I progressed much slower than with Silas and by midnight was only at 7cm.  I was also crying out because the contractions were so intense, which is something I didn't do at all the whole time with Silas.

Around 12:30AM  I decided to get an epidural. I told Aaron something was very different and I felt like I should get one. Almost an hour later the nurse checked me and I was still at 7cm. So I got the epidural.

Things calmed down in the room for a bit. I tried to fall asleep but couldn't. Mom, Nikki, and Aaron all took a little snooze on the couches.

The nurses came in to check me and I was at 10cm. I asked for the big mirror so I could watch so they pulled it out and had me do some practice pushes. After a couple pushes, the nurse put my legs down and said "OK. We're just going to stop now and wait for the doctor. Baby wants to come!"

About a minute after she said that she brought my legs back up to check me and calmly said "Ok, you're having your baby." And sure enough, we all watched in amazement as my contractions pushed out Scarlett.
I did ZERO pushing.
Let me say that again. I did zero pushing. I just sat there. And had a baby.
The doctor wasn't even in there yet (my midwife was on her mission trip she does ever summer so we used the on-call OB).
Nurse Theresa was sitting on the edge of the bed and delivered Scarlett.

It was amazing! It really made me wonder why they direct you to push during delivery anyway if our bodies are so capable of pushing a baby out themselves. I mean, it was really incredible. Zero pushing. None. I couldn't believe it was happening. I kept saying over and over "I'm having a baby and I'm not even doing anything!"

Right after she was born the tears came. I was so glad for it all to be over. The pregnancy was over. My baby girl was finally here.

Scarlett Elena Byrd

July 23, 2015

2:38am

7lb 5oz

19.5"

Pregnancy

I'm finally ready to write about the pregnancy, Scarlett's birth, and all the postpartum.

I want to, but I don't. Aaron asked me the other day why I'm even going to write about it then. So I thought about it, and I need to because I want to get it past me then continue on with the fun posts. I can't write about what's happened since Scarlett's been born because I want everything to be in order. But I've been avoiding everything that has to do with the pregnancy and birth because it was all so hard and so incredibly different than it was with Silas. Not writing about it feels like I'm ignoring it, which I have been, and it's something that impacted me so much that I can't ignore it.

I'm sitting here with eyes full of tears while nursing my sweet Scarlett Elena on my lap.

What a small price to pay.
Everything I've endured seems so small compared to this little life in my arms. Such a precious, precious little girl.

I flip flop between feeling guilty and justifying the way I felt.

This pregnancy was hard. I'm not sure where I left off in previous posts with the pregnancy and I wont go back to check. But long story short, the pregnancy started out great and around 20 weeks I started to get some varicose veins. I've never had any vein issues so this was all new. It started as a cluster in my groin, and week by week it painfully inched it's way down to my foot on my right leg. (Isn't that the worst? I hate the words "groin" and "cluster" and here I am with an issue there... saying them over and over. Ah!)

I had so many people say "I didn't know varicose veins hurt?" Which just made me feel worse... because it was torture and no one really knew how bad it was.

I wore all kinds of compression tights from 20 weeks on. My favorite, if I should even call them that, were the toeless knee high socks. I only had to wear one and along as the bottom part of my leg and foot were compressed, then everything else was more bearable.
But wow. Compression tights. Ugh.
Hot.
Extremely hard to put on. Especially with a huge belly!
and hot.
and not cute.
and expensive!

All varicosity would completely disappear when laying horizontal, but the minute my foot went below heart level the blood rushing down felt like fire. The worst burning sensation. I also was covered in spider veins that felt like bruises. My whole right leg felt warm, was red, and felt heavy all day every day. Wearing compression tights helped with the discomfort in my lower leg but my thigh and groin couldn't be helped. Most afternoons and evenings I would ace bandage a bags of ice on my groin to alleviate the burning.

The pictures don't seem to capture how bad it felt. This is also not even the worst of it, but I'll stick with pics of the lower leg for privacy's sake. ;)

There were times I had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I would crawl because the pain was so bad. Times when I would hop around rather than put pressure on my leg. Times I couldn't get out of the car because I couldn't go from sitting to standing without breaking down because of the burning shooting pain. Times when Aaron had to carry me. Times when even my sweet three year old would lay her hands on me and pray for me because I couldn't function.

It was miserable.
I was miserable.
And I hate that.

I don't have any "bump" pictures with Scarlett. Well, except the ones where I just happened to be the shot of someone else taking a picture.
And that... that makes me cry. No pictures with my precious, sweet baby girl in my belly. ... Because I couldn't see past it. And that's sad.

Maybe this is turning out to be a miserable post anyway? Boo.

But there was good that came from it all. And the good is Jesus.

I've never known what it was like to turn to him when I was weak, like really weak, until this most recent pregnancy. I played worship throughout the house all day every day because it was the only way I make it through the day.

I'm not sure who said this, but I saw this the other day and it hit home.
"Worship gets you through the hardest times in your life because it shifts your focus from the problem to the problem solver."

This pregnancy spiritually grew and matured me.

I was also able to get in to see a vascular surgeon several months before my actual appointment. He only sees two varicose vein patients two days a week and he chose to see me on a day he doesn't normally see them (an answered prayer, praise The Lord!). I had several ultrasounds checking for DVTs and appointments with him throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. I had a lot of reflux  in both legs. He had never seen anything like this before. I was cleared for surgery to close off some of the veins in the cluster in my groin to help get me through the rest of the pregnancy. It was supposed to be right at 36 weeks, but I decided to hold off until after I delivered to see where I was with it all.

So anyway. As pathetic as it sounds, that was my pregnancy. It seems silly to even mention all of the other pregnancy woes and I actually forget them when I think of the pregnancy. You know, acid reflux, waking up in the early AM to throw up from said acid reflux, the many trips to the bathroom, back aches, etc.. But this vein stuff consumed me the whole time. I was excited for our sweet girl, but in all honestly, I had a hard time focusing on her because of all the physical discomfort.

Life

Play date morning!

-You set your alarm three hours before you needed to be there.
-You snooze for one hour.
-Toddler wakes up and starts climbing on you.
-You get up and grab a size one diaper, size four diaper, and the wipes.
-Change the baby, who smiles sweetly while you do so.
-Change the toddler, who fights you rolling back and forth.
-Get the baby dressed, the toddler, the preschooler, and yourself.
-Wash your face, throw on some deodorant, and mix some foundation into your moisturizer because, well, that'll do.
-Change another diaper.
-Wait for the oldest to poop. Always wait for the oldest to poop. You don't want to attempt public restrooms with three.
-Refill water bottles.
-Pack up the bag.
-Hunt down and put everyone's shoes on.
-Baby in car seat.
-Repack bag and purse because toddler emptied them in record time while you put baby in car seat.
-Wrestle sticks of gum from toddlers hands that were pulled out of your purse.
-Find preschooler's and toddler's shoes and put them back on again.
-Get everyone excited to follow you out the door.
-Open the door and let the bigs loose.
-Turn to grab your keys from the hook and follow them out the door.

-But the keys are not there.


-Remember husband drove the van last night.
-Hubby is in class. Told you to look in the spot he puts his wallet and keys. The desk hutch.
-Keys not there.
-Hubby has no idea where they could be then.

-Turn the house upside down for 30 minutes while everyone whines because they're hungry, no- HANGRY (angry hungry!!) and breakfast was supposed to be at morning destination. Because, of course, it's grocery day.

-Pray you don't get a plugged duct because even baby's second breakfast was supposed to be given after arriving to play date. And baby girl, Praise The Lord, slept ten hours last night and only needed one of mama's milkies when woke. So... mama is ready for that second breakfast! Ow.

-The frustration is setting in.
-Finally, sit on couch to feed baby.
-Mission aborted.
-Cue mommy tears.

-But wait...
-Hubby comes home between classes.
-...And finds keys within 30 seconds of walking through the door.
-In the exact spot he told you to look. Which you did, three times.
-Cue more mommy tears.
-Finish feeding baby.
-Gather the children and gear to head to grocery store.
-Pick up a coffee on the way. *sigh of relief*
-Search for parking spot next to shopping carts.
-Open van to find your toddler asleep.
-Realize this means his nap will be long enough for a second wind and but short enough to put a serious damper on the late afternoon. 
-Decide to wake him anyway and stick to the plan. Need food!

-Get baby out of car seat and start putting her in the wrap.
-Hear her choke on some air, let out a burp, and then soak you in spit up.
-Down your shirt.
-Pooling in your shirt.
-Down your pants.
-The van carpet.
-Even hitting the parking lot.
-Wow.
-Then remember you forgot to burp her in your haste to get out the door for the second time. That paired with the giant breakfast she had... No wonder you're drenched.

-Put baby girl back in car seat as she smiles and gives you a "coo."
-Smile back. Sweet little girl.
-You don't mind the, now, cold, wet, stinky spit up. Or the fact that upon placing her back in her seat, your hand squishes in some poop that has escaped from the leg of her diaper.
-Climb back in van and head home. And laugh.
-Genuinely laugh.
-Because now you see the humor.

-This is your life.
-And even when you don't like it, you still love it.
-It's so great.

-Give the kids leftover Chick-fil-a cookies for lunch and turn on a Netflix show. 
-Grab the Boppy and the baby (because shes hungry again after loosing her most recent feeding) and sit down to feed her while reflecting on your morning.
-And recover.

-Thankful for a husband to reminds you to choose joy.
-And you do, you choose joy!

-Thankful to have your hands so full with the most precious little children.

Friends

The other day someone tagged me in a picture from Katie's Bratton's baby shower for Elizabeth. The picture had me, Katie, Katy Bahlman, and Kimberly Ramirez. 

It got me thinking about our lives now. Life after children's church and youth group. Life after summer time and church camps. Life after jr high, high school, and college. Life in the real world.

We've had waves of in and out of touch over the years but always meet up for the important stuff. Even if we haven't seen or talked to each other in a while, when we get together we never miss a beat. There's something so sweet about that. 

Had such a great time sneaking away for a few hours with these girls tonight. I love them. And I so cherish their friendship.

I can do it!

There are one hundred other things I should be doing right now, but I miss blogging. So, blogging wins.

There are also a few other posts I wanted to put up before this one.

Scarlett's birth.

Silas' 15 month.

Sophia's 4th year.

Vein issues during and after pregnancy.

Scarlett's first month.

Wednesday night I had a little breakdown. Aaron started back to school this week and has a lab two evenings a week. Wednesday was his second evening gone. We're kind of used to him working late so it wasn't too big a deal, but it added to stress that had been building.

While I was pregnant, I knew having three children four years and under would be challenging. (And boy was everyone quick to let me know how just how "hard" it is going to be.) But there's no way to be prepared for it until it happens. It's not that it is even hard. It's just constant. Con-stant.

Everyone always needs something. 

Someone is always emptying something.

There's always a bottom that needs wiping.

A mouth to feed.

A mouth to wipe up!

Sibling rivalry at play.

Help with feelings they don't know how to say.

Discipline to be done.

Mom sucking all their fun.

Heh. It was starting to sound a little Dr. Seuss-y. So I went with it. Maybe I should keep going sometime and see where it takes me!

But you get the picture. 

And in between all that, I'm having to remind myself to eat and drink water. Ahh. So there's the secret to staying thin. Have multiple children close in age! ;)

Anyway. Wednesday night. 

When Aaron got home I told him I wanted to put Sophia in a preschool program. I could see his face fall. We have always planned on homeschooling at least through elementary. But long story short, it all came down to be doubting myself, being tired, and feeling sorry that I'm not "doing enough" or keeping Sophia entertained.

That night I prayed that God would give me confidence and allow myself grace, and I woke up feeling totally renewed. 

And that's what this post is actually about.

I can do it.

It will take lots of planning and prepping, but I can do it. 

Thursday we had our first outing for fun with just me and the kids. We went to Free Art Thursday at the museum.

Sophia went straight to the craft table and worked for almost an hour on her creations while chatting away with the other children and their families. Silas sat right next to her almost the whole time copying what she did. He loved using the glue sticks. Scarlett... Oh, my sweet Scarlett. I held her the whole time. She's my hardest baby by far. In the late afternoon and evenings she pretty much cries unless she's held. Thankfully, Silas was so consumed in his crafting that I was able to hold her without ever having to chase him down. (I would have worn her in my new awesome wrap, but I wore her so much earlier in the week that I gave myself a bad plugged milk duct. Bleh.)

When they got up from the craft table we tried building with blocks, but Silas wandered and ended up at another craft table with colored permanent markers. When I tried to get him down he screamed. 

Side note: Silas is a screamer. A loud, LOUD, mad screamer and tantrum thrower.

Hearing that first scream, I knew it was time to head out before it all hit the floor.

I purposely skipped the kid's afternoon snack and packed it to take with us to help lure them out of the museum and it worked like a charm. All I had to do was show Silas his snack bag and tell him to sit in the stroller and he gladly climbed down from the permanent marker table, signing "eat, eat" and got in the stroller. Sophia also gladly left her table, too.

How awesome is this stroller? I'm glad Sophia is young enough to still be able to hop on and catch a ride. She usually stands, but she can also squeeze in a sit next to Silas.

 It's always nice to get everyone in the van without anyone crying. It's just nice. 

We also got a parking spot that completely covered the van with shade and it wasn't blistering hot when we got in, which was also nice.

We came home to a messy house, crumby floors, late start on dinner, a nursing session while I walked around putting together a quick meal, and the bigs watching another TV show, but it was good. We were all happy. 

And I can do it.